Alain Beit: A man's struggle to reconcile his Jewish identity and his homosexuality

You're about to watch an episode quite important, today, an episode that will show you how much, it is important to live fully, your homosexuality! Alain BEIT, Jewish and homosexual, will explain how, he had to get out of his indoctrination when it comes to his upbringing, so that I can finally live life to the fullest! Andre Helman, our consultant, will tell us, as some people would claim whom we call lecturers,

if homosexuality is a choice or not. Then, we'll take a look at your comments, and we're getting more and more of them on the hotline, and right now here's the version 1.1 of Roselyne ! Good morning to you all, my beautiful ones ! Well, it's nice to have you back, Huh! New makeup, new body shape, we can talk about it more, in a moment ! Kisses, kisses...

Hello, my little ones, hello to all! He's a brave man, endearing and willful, and we are honored to have him here today. Meet Alain BEIT, the president of the association BEIT HAVERIM, who was kind enough to welcome us, in the tiny premises of his association. A militant man, who fights for gays to brighten their own self-image, mainly in its community,

where they are too often rejected and humiliated! And it's because, he also experienced this same dilemma, that is to practice his religion and to assume his homosexuality, and so he's decided to commit himself to make things change! A touching testimony, that will help you see that homophobia can have many faces, often unsuspected, and it is far from being without any consequences! Check it out! Good morning, My name is Alain BEIT,

President of BEIT HAVERIM. The BEIT HAVERIM, which means the guest house in Hebrew, it's a group for Jews, whether they're lesbian, gay, bi and transexuals. I have been the president for the last three, four years. I've had my "coming out" for about 10 years, as they say. So, um.., I used to be, I used to be married, I've got kids. So, I've kind of experienced different lives. Being gay, in the Jewish religion, as I said it's taboo. But then, it could also be the same for practicing Catholics,

or Muslims too! That's something, we don't talk about much, and when we talk about it, we tend to put it in terms that are rather negative. It's by the way one of my battles, because, I think that many young people who are discovering their homosexuality at first, may have a hard time accepting it, so much it's demeaning at the moment! And so, from there, it's kind of hard, in the beginning to build oneself up in a positive way,

to have a beautiful image of yourself, to be somehow "narcissistic" about it in a way. So, I consider myself being a gay. Girls, I've stopped thinking about them, for several years now! However, what I'm being told by certain therapists, is that, technically, they think of me as a bi, because they say, real gay people, you know, wouldn't be able to do anything, with a woman! While me, Well, you know, I was able, to have intimate relationships with women.

I didn't even know I was homosexual... at that time, I only knew about it later on! When I got married, it was out of love, I thought I had a ready-made path ! And as we go along, I realized, that more and more, some, or certain of my needs, were somehow different, rather ... towards boys... And so, it hastened the end of my wedding! It's something that I experienced with a lot of pain,

unfortunately, and beyond that pain, I had to learn just that, to take responsibility for myself, to love me as I am! And then, take responsibility when it comes to people who are like me. And so, out of all these changes, I figured that's a lot to manage anyway! So, I have to see someone...! I needed it, because I'm someone who is,

quite introverted. I've been seeing a therapist, who had a big impact on me, and I still get to see him till this day, and with whom I got to explore a part of my personality, my sexual orientation, my desires and where I wanted to go! I wasn't expecting to go back to being straight again! At that time, I was in what we can call, kind of an emotional storm,

you know ! I was, I was married for ten years. years to my wife! A woman that I loved and the separation was very painful! Even if we had to go our separate ways...! Obviously, since there were some problems between us! But.., breaking up... with her, yet was something that I had to learn how to do. And so for that, I needed the help of that therapist, to accept this separation. And then.., I needed the therapist also, to learn how to live,

with my sexual orientation! So, knowing, that I was gay and Jewish, or Jewish and gay! It depends on the order and how you put it! But, it was something which was completely, and extremely important to me! And so, it was also about, knowing how to accept yourself, as you are, without denying it, in any way...! Regarding the efforts that I was able to make with my psychologist, what was important, is that,

when I started going to see her, I was able to see and go out with guys every once in a while, but, uh, it was just sex. And it was something that I couldn't picture it for myself. And eventually, by increasing my sessions and everything, I was able to understand, that I could have a relationship and that I can fall in love, with a man ! And, for me,

also when you look at my upbringing, and all the role models that I had before, it was something rather unimaginable! And I realized that, it wasn't something demeaning, it wasn't something filthy, and that I could consider being in a relationship, and work on something with a man! Which is something that seemed unimaginable at first for me ! And I distinctly remember that, once,

when I was starting to explore the gay world, I'd seen, in a gay club, known for ballroom dancing, boys dancing the waltz together! It was something that led me to, burst ouf of laugh at first! And I'm ashamed, I'm ashamed to say that I laughed my ass off, because, well, that's something to which, I wasn't used to. But in the end, it was two men, dancing,

who enjoyed dancing together! And they were beautiful! And I learned to see things differently! To see this beauty, that I could not see, and that desire too, when you're a couple of the same gender, why not waltz, and twirl, and lose yourself a little bit...! And I think this, taught me eventually, that I could love someone,

regardless of their gender, and that I could build something! And that was one of the things the most, important, that I benefited from my sessions with the therapist, I think! What pissed me off, what was annoying me, is that, when I had to experience love break-ups, with men, my mother, with whom I usually talk about it, not so much, with my father though, but with my mother, my mother she didn't understand,

why, it could make me sad and why, it could upset me! And, uh, it's funny, because it felt like as if my love relationships, were less of a value, than her own. As if, because two men, or the love between two men, couldn't be as strong, that a love between a man and a woman! And that's something I ... didn't understand! And by the way, my sister, who has always behind me, who supports me, I say...:

- "But how is it possible that when I was with such a guy, you never invited me to your place? Never! And yet, we were together for quite some time, but you never invited me to your house"! - "Oh, well, you know, I knew he wasn't the one for you! I didn't get that feeling from him and everything"! and I say : - "But, You also had been with several boys, and all of them, they came to my house! even if you didn't stay together for a long time!

And I don't get it"! Activism begins also at home ! For me, there are times when I was belittled, it was also because of my parenthood. And my divorce proceedings lasted a very long time. And so, of course, arose the famous question: Where would my children go to live! Knowing that I'm someone... who travels a lot. What I asked for, personally was to have the children every other weekend, and for about half of the holidays.

And that was a problem, because on the other side, there had been a request for supervised custody ! A supervised custody, I don't know if you know what is it? Well, you go to a... neutral place, for an hour, to see your kids, because they consider, that you are a dangerous person! And me, I've had a lot of statements... against me.

Moral character statements, that said eventually that I was a bad person! And that I couldn't possibly know how to take care of my kids, and even, that I could be dangerous, to my children! Why dangerous? Well, first of all, the notorious confusion, between pedophilia, pederasty and homosexuality! So that's what everyone did,

confusion, unfortunately! No matter how hard we try to explain things! And also, for a moment, we, we disagreed, on religious upbringing and how to educate our children! Everything goes by the judge. And, at one point, the lawyer of the opposing party, said to me: - "But, really, why are you worried about religious education, after all, you are gay, aren't you?!

So why do you care"? And this, this was something that really offended me! Why, as a gay man, I don't get a say in the matter, on my children's religious education ? Why, as a gay man, I'm not allowed, to have a religious life? And this, this combination which was unfortunate, I couldn't accept it. I said: - "No, you can' t say that to me!" I also have my spiritual life, and it's not because I'm gay,

that I'm not allowed to have a spiritual life! Even if it's true that, a lot of us are atheists, because they are rejected so much, by different religions, that, they don't want to have anything to do with a religious life! But no, we also have people, who have that desire, for a religious life, we've even have, in the world, LGBT synagogues and it does exist!

Just so you know, that spirituality, we claim it, and we won't give it up. There are some, rabbis, french-speaking, French, who only say: - "Wait, either you're Jewish.., or you're gay." Well, we say, "No." we say: - "No, we can be both." Yes, and in my humble opinion to be happy in life you have to be yourself! With all due respect to some people! Thank you Alain, for this beautiful testimony,

and thank you so much for trusting us, because when we shot these clips, HappyGayTV was not online yet! So thank you twofold! And now, please feel free to click, on the "Like" button below this video, and share it, as many times as you can, on social networks, but also via e-mail, and SMS! Because, as I like to say. quite often

on this show, it's a small gesture for everyone, but above all a great step for everyone, in this battle against homophobia and transphobia! We're counting on you all! HappyGayTV Jingle Just before we continue, I wanted to point out, that if, just like Alain, you had also, to come out to everyone, and that it didn't go too well,

and you don't know how, to make it work again for you ! Or just simply, you are planning on doing so soon, with your family, or your friends, and you're trying not to cause a tidal wave, just so you know, we've prepared, just for you, a special video, a specific program, so that you can help yourself out, to make the big leap, or not! Go to our website,

under HappyGayTV +, or simply click, on the link that you can find, below the video! Please note: HappyGayTV+, and that way you'll feel, be more prepared, more reassured, to reveal to others, who you really are! André, hello! What surprises me, is that Alain finds out very late about his homosexuality! It's quite strange, isn't it? Indeed, I understand that it might seem strange to you,

and yet, it's something very, very common! Just a quick word, to introduce myself very quickly. I'm a doctor, and a therapist, I'm talking here, on my behalf, not particularly as an expert, or on behalf of any organization or association. To answer your question, more specifically, Marco, actually a lot of men, and women, find out about their homosexuality, at a relatively advanced age,

between the ages of 30 and 60. And that doesn't mean, that until then, they didn't know anything about it. For some, almost, for others, they knew about it, but they weren't able to accept it. before! So, very often, they got married, they had children, he or she, eventually, after a while, the internal drive is so intense, they can't, not acknowledge,

that they are attracted to people of the same gender, and they finally accept to live their homosexuality! Andre, I'm quite surprised by your reply, because at the very least, for men, when you're attracted to another person, there are consequent and uncontrollable, and physiological changes ! Signs, that you can't go wrong... when you see them ! How can they be ignored? How could Alain, ignore all of these signs?

There's a psychological mechanism, which is called denial, which is the ability we all have, to deny things that we're afraid of, or bothering us. We pretend they didn't exist, and every human being has this ability, it's more or less developed from a person to another, but at least here, obviously, that's what happened!

He didn't want to know, that he was a homosexual, because it was too difficult to live, and he acted like he was not! A lot of people can do that, regardless of physiological reactions. So, what pushes Alain, to deny his homosexuality? Was it because of his upbringing in a jewish practicing environment ? In his case, yes, that's what he. said! Well, it's I'm only saying what I heard him say. And indeed, in a jewish practicing family,

it's extremely difficult, to acknowledge and make them acknowledge your homosexuality, because it is completely unacceptable, and denied, in fact, by the community! But there are other people, who do not have a religious background, and who are also struggling to accept their homosexuality, just because we live, in a world, where homophobia remains very present! The strange thing ... in Alain's case,

is that it becomes a conscious choice at some point, he chose to live his homosexuality, and get a divorce! And that's what the religious ones say, and other preachers, who condemn gays, by telling them, that, uh, it's because they made this choice consciously, that they' better repent, or at worst be heavily condemned, as is still the case today in some countries,

where the punishment, is simply death penalty...! I think, it is indeed, a question that is rather absolutely essential! Do we get to choose, our sexual orientation? Indeed, a lot of people, in particular people who are against, homosexuality, or the ones who reject , or refuse homosexuality, consider it as being a choice, and since it's a choice, well,

we should be able to change it! Now, the choice is, to take responsibility for who we are! It's not about feeling it! The feeling about sexual orientation, whether being straight or homosexual, is a process mainly unconscious! It's not a conscious choice! You realize, at some point, usually when you're a teenager, that you're attracted to one... and, or, the other sex, or the other gender.

But then, it's all about experiencing it! What if we weren't able to really experience it until a certain age, and that at some point, you feel so much pressure, that you can no longer ignore it, and you're compelled, and you feel like forced within, to accept it, Well, here, you're going to make a conscious choice, which is to live and experience life as you feel it, and as you really are...! That's a real choice!

The alternative, is to deny on yourself, it's to act, as if, you weren't what you are! And, it's a choice that is rather unintentional, for a lot of people, at the beginning of their lives, and a lot of homosexuals, suffer from it and a lot! When the preachers, as you call them, say: - "Since you have made your choice, you might very well choose the other way around !

Meaning, you've chosen to live free, you might as well choose, to go back to prison! All right! And the fact of remaining in denial, can cause what kind of trouble for example...? Inevitably, there's a a feeling of discomfort, that the person doesn't understand. So, it can lead to a lot of trouble! It can lead to depression, of course! It can lead very often, to think less of yourself or lack of self-worth,

a lack of self-confidence, therefore to professional, and relationship hardships, and it can, there's no evidence of that, but you can imagine, that like any impulse any strong one, and if the person is prohibited from living the way he or she does, it can lead to, uh. physical illness! Such as...? Any chronic disease, hypertension, skin diseases,

respiratory diseases. There are lots of chronic diseases, that we think, that they are the expression of emotional impulses that are unrecognized and unlived! Can we say that religions, by condemning homosexuals, are be totally brainwashing. all adherents and followers? And if that's the case, the gay people... of their community, Can they really get away with it and remain mentally unscathed...? To be clear, André,

Would religions be toxic to gays? Alain, still had to, go see a therapist, to get better, so much, he was indoctrinated! Absolutely! In the case of Alain, It's clear! Me, I keep myself, from generalizing ! I think it's better to avoid general statements But, overall, all three monotheistic religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam,

have a tendency to deny and reject, homosexuality, and homosexuals! And of course, it brings, people who practice these religions, and who are in a religious community, if, they . feel they're homosexual, to hide! This is the most common case! Now, there are different orientations, in each, of all three great religions,

and in some communities, there is more tolerance than in others, and homosexuals are accepted, as well as in Jewish communities, than in Christian communities, or the Muslim communities, there are very few of them, a few, but actually a small minority...! As far as I know! It all depends on the choice, that priests, the rabbis, the imams,

the pastors and the popes make! They have, the freedom to interpret the texts, that they often forget to make use of it! For you, Andre, Is Alain indeed bi...? Laughters That too, It's a question I find very interesting! Well, what surprises me, in his testimony, is that someone told him, that person might have been a therapist, and therefore a person who had some kind of

moral and medical authority: - "You're bi"! Personally, I don't think we should ever... tell people, what is their sexual orientation! We should ask them, how do they see themselves? If, he considers himself bi, he sees himself as bi, that's it ! If, he doesn't consider himself, if in fact he faked it, throughout the entire period where he was married, and deep down, he only feels attracted, to men, well, he's a homosexual, who didn't get the chance to go out of the closet,

as they say, for a few decades, before accepting who he really is! He's the only one who can answer this question! I'm going to play the role of devil's advocate, André, he still gave birth to children! - Yes, he did, because being homosexual, obviously, doesn't mean to be infertile! And to bear children, obviously, we all know that, you have to have an erection! And this, it's something rather mechanical,

in a relationship, between a man who is not very attracted, or not attracted at all to women, and a heterosexual woman, Well, the fondling, all the preliminary games, to the intercourse, allow you to have an erection, and therefore to have sexual intercourse, that can give birth to a child! So, let me get this straight, all male homosexuals, can conceive children, without any problems, then! - Of course,

Of course, and that's something that is also unknown...! In fact, the vast majority of homosexuals, could have children, in a so-called "natural" way, with a woman, by having sexual intercourse with a woman, at the right time, but then again, a lot of them don't won't to, a lot of homosexuals, who want to have children, don't feel like having sexual

intercourse with a woman! But it is possible! Andre, can we identify some of those criteria that allow us to determine, whether someone is straight, bi or gay, because there are people, who really don't know at all, who they are or where they are in life? It's true! There are people asking this question. And I see some of them in consultation. People wondering. And, um... there aren't really certain criteria,

that we could write on a piece of paper, and say, well, I'm like this, or like that, and not like that. By asking questions, on how the person feels, towards men, or towards women. By asking him questions, about his dreams, about his fantasies, on its various relationship experiences, little by little, we could help him define his own sexual orientation,

and not just give a diagnosis! Because it's not a disease, and therefore there is no diagnosis to be made! But we usually can, after some sessions and exchanges, just like that, in psychotherapy, the person ends up by saying: - "Yes, it's clear, I'm a homosexual, or it's clear, I'm bisexual, or, I don't feel like put a label on it"! Because it's also his right to do so!

We don't have to put a label on it! Thank you, Andre, I don't know how you do that, but your answers make us always feel good! See you soon on HappyGayTV and take good care of yourself! HappyGayTV Jingle So, Roselyne, how are you doing? Listen, well, I'll tell you what Marco, I'm doing very well! You say hello now! There you go. You learned some manners !

It was about time! And, You look good, Marco, today, just saying ! You too, Roselyne, I believe you look younger! Ha, ha, ha! That's a nice one ! I've told you no, Marco ! Stop messing with me. like that! Well, folks, I'm delighted to have you back ! So don't hesitate, send us, your little messages, your comments,

in video, audio, or written ! And I, for one, am delighted to read your messages, and most importantly, to see you! Let's start, shall we ? Yes? Let's go then! First we have, David. who lives in Villejuif (Jewish City- France), and who's telling us...: You could have, given the context of the show, Marco and yourself, wear a kippah! No but, David! What a "dorkface", this one ! But, what you didn't know my dear friend, is that the kippah in the Jewish community,

is only worn by men, and exclusively by men ! So, for me, you've got it WRONG ALL THE WAY ! Ah, yes! Well, as for Marco, he claims to be gay, why not! But, there's no proof that he's really a man! Well, yes, eventually, with all the moves, that I had to make for him, he always rejected me ! Personally, I was not able to confirm this...! So, I find it a bit easy!

Because, resisting a beautiful flower like myself! My guess is it's smells kind of fishy over here, as they say! Laughters What could I possibly say to you? Ah, yes, ladies, you who attend synagogues, I don't know what are your thoughts about it, but.., I think it lacks a bit of panache! So, I have a little beauty tip, I went shopping, and look what I found..:

Laughters a kippah for women! Laughters We're not gonna look good. just like that, at the synagogue? Huh? Ah, no, no! I'm sure we're gonna be... sophisticated! We're going to make them crack! You look like a first communicant, Roselyne! Marco! Well, you don't really know anything! Laughters

So, not only do you not know how to talk to women, but you don't know that First Communicants, are part of the Christian catholic , community! Huh! We are in the Jews' house, now! Show some respect, Marco! But no, but no, "communicant"! Nonsense! No, no, no! Personally, I think that It'll restore the image, and it's gonna make us want to go back more often,

to the synagogue! Laughters Mind you, it's true that it feels like a long time that I have not confessed ! Laughters So, let's move on! We have, Henriette. of Le Fion (butthole), in Haute-Savoie ! A whole speach! Who is telling us, that her sister, also, doesn't often invite her over for dinner! Yes, but again, no ! Let's not get all confused.

Alain BEIT, explained to us, that his sister didn't invite him for dinner, because he was homosexual, that' s it! You, maybe it's because you're old, bitter and resentful! I don't know! You need to calm down. a little bit, Henriette! Family is sacred! Mind you, I'm a very nice person, and very friendly, my sister, doesn't invite me over for dinner either,

so, well, you might be right, there might be... How clumsy am I! But I don't have a sister! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha no, but I swear, this one! Wait for it! What do we have here? We have Rudolph, from Trécon (very dumb), in Marne, France, who tells us..: Roselyne, the person who writes your jokes, is totally lame! Indeed, the city of Villejuif, has nothing to do with the Jewish community!

Another "dorkface", for today! Well, you don't say, we're getting a lot of them of today ! Where do you come from? Trécon (Very dumb) in Marne ! Yes! I understand better why now! Well, you know... here at HappyGayTV, we first ask if it's relevant! We're not complete idiots! We know all about that! No, but really! Have you seen Marco? how are they treating and addressing us?

Well, well, yeah ! No, but really, it's not like... it used to be! I swear! No, but that's not because it's a suburban town, that Jews have no right... to live there! So we did some research, and I'm gonna make some more, I'm gonna go back to my Google history. So... history. Uh...

You haven't cleared your history, Marco! There are things that are not that pretty ! But I won't say not that on air! But be careful, though, next time you use my computer! So Villejuif, that's it! So, both theories, I'll explain them to you right away. The first, claims that it is, in fact, a misrepresentation of the name of the owner of a Gallo-Roman villa:

Juvius or Juveus. There you have it! Well, I can't really verify that, since I don't speak Chinese at all! So, here, I don't really understand many of these words! But why not! And then the second theory, considers Villejuif, to be a derivative of Villegie, itself derivative of villa Gédé... Gé... Ah! You see ! It's not that easy to say! Villa Gesedis, that's it!!!!! Although, without any confirmation,

actually, the theory, according to which, the toponym testifies that the location, has been occupied, in the past by Jews, is still simpler and more "pausible" ! Plau! See, I'm also worried now about losing my Latin! Plausible!!! Rudolph ! That's something to blow you out, and blow your mind ! Or even, something to blow you, just like that ! Yes, Marco? Your knowledge of the culture is phenomenal, Roselyne! Yes, Google is my friend, you know!

Laughters All right, then! Speaking of friends, I'm talking to you now! Send us your comments! HappyGayTV.com, Roselyne's Hot-Line ! I'll call you... Thank you, Roselyne, and stay sharp, to not say stay slim ! HappyGayTV Jingle There you go, my little ones,

as you've probably figured out, you can leave us your messages, on HappyGayTV's Hot-Line. It's some kind of a Web answering machine, TV forum, where you can leave us your comments, your feedback, your ideas, even your questions, whether in audio file format, or video. By the way, tell us, for example, if you also, as a gay man, when dealing with religion intolerance,

did you decide to stop practicing... all religious activities, or even, did you stop believing in God and why? It's a tradition, on this show, just before I leave you, a section, that you all love, there you go, I'll leave you now, with the best messages, recently left on our servers... Check it out!

Hello, this is Esteban from Albi! I wanted to make a small statement, even if it's not usually the way I usually do! Why doesn't Alain quote the Leviticus verse in its entirety? In fact, to say that we gay people are something abominable, is psychologically, completely destructive, and the rest of the text, is even worse! Read it, and you will understand why, to this day gay people are still being killed in the world, with no consequences!

I wonder why, he doesn't mention this point, in his interview? Anyway, thanks Alain for this testimony, that shows how much, still today, in many communities, not just his own, we are still a long way from accepting that everyone can have a fulfilling sexual life, and what kind of havoc this can cause! Alain had to see a shrink, let's not forget it! Thanks for sharing my message and good luck to all of you ! Hi, I'm Nico!

First of all, many thanks to HappyGayTV, for allowing me to watch this report in premiere. I was particularly moved by Alain's testimony. As far as I'm concerned, I have to admit I find it a bit difficult to understand, that after what he's been through, why and how can he still feel close to his community? But I guess one must distinguish, faith from religion. his testimony was touchingly sincere, very personal as well. I think it takes a lot of courage to open up this way.

But it took a lot more, to accept to be who he was, to be happy about it, to assume it and even to commit himself to the cause! His resilience, is something I admire. I wish him all the happiness in the world! See you soon! And oh yes! I forgot! A big kiss to Roselyne too! Hello, Michel speaking! Thank you HappyGayTV for allowing me to watch this show in premiere. My question is about the relationship Alain has with his children now? How does he see it today? Did Alain manage to talk to them about it

and allow them to take a step back, from this religion, which condemns homosexuality? Thank you HappyGayTV and I wish you a good continuation Thank you! That's it, my little ones, if you don't want to miss any comments, left on the hotline of HappyGayTV, you should become a member of our VIP club: the HappyGayTV Club, and benefit additionally from many advantages! Please note, HappyGayTV Club, and go straight to,

our website, enjoy it, it's still free for the moment! HappyGayTV Club Jingle All right, with that, a big kiss from me, I'll see you soon, and please, taking good care of one another! Ciao ciao !

Hop ! Here we go...

Time to confess!