Nicolas Noguier and Le Refuge: Why did the association almost never exist?

Today, your mind will blow ! We receive a distinguished guest, elected Outstanding Young Citizen ! Meet Nicolas Noguier, the president of the famous french association, "Le Refuge" (Refuge or Shelter) who will explain to us why one day everything was about to collapse and why "Le Refuge" was most likely never to exist ! We'll discover afterwards, with André HELMAN, our psychotherapist why gay people can hurt their peers, just as much as the homophobes themselves !

And then the one who makes you laugh hysterically, especially when it's time to click on the "Like" button Roselyne, who apparently didn't finish her breakfast yet !

Hello “little darlings”, Hello everyone ! I'm really happy to present to you now a brave man, a man who faces life with a lot of will and determination, while being very sensitive to the gays conditions. Meet Nicolas Noguier, the president of the association "Le Refuge" (Refuge or Shelter) whom, with the help of the director of the Refuge and his team give shelter everyday, all around France, for youngsters, left out on the streets by their families because of their gender identity or their sexual orientation.

Brave, and you'll realize that afterwards, Nicolas Noguier remains a real paradoxe, Even though he is withdrawn, He did accept immediately our request for an interview and faced our cameras with a lot of courage ! And as you'll discover in a few, it's because of his timidity, and his reserved personality, that one day, when he was a young adult, everything was about to fall apart ! Cue the report!

My name is Nicolas. I am 39 years young ... I am, as you said the President of the association "Le Refuge" (Shelter or Refuge) I am originally from a... a small village, of 2000 habitants, Neat Béziers (France), names Saint Thibéry. When I was in primary school,... I felt, that I was attracted to boys. Clearly. And then, later on in High School, I found myself all alone,

I had friends... with whom I get along, but... we never talked about this topic. Well, for me I wasn't homosexual, because, simply, I didn't,... even know what homosexuality means. I just felt that I was different from the other, to be honest. Later on, while growing up I felt clearly that I wasn't attracted to girls at all. I didn't have... a point of reference, I didn't have a model

I didn't have any friend who was in the same situation I was in. so, I felt... I felt that I was a little bit alone in this world. In a rural area, in a small village, of 2000 habitants... where basically everyone knew each other... it's true that it's a little bit more difficult than when you're a nobody in a big city, for example. The first time I understood, It was... very late I would say, around 18 years old, when I finally left the rural area

to go to Montpellier. (France) There, I saw boys holding hands... even girls holding hands, and, yeah... So, I said to myself : "Well... I think that It might be the same for me, and that I was maybe attracted to boys". I finally was able... to put it into words... And it's from that moment, that I was able later on, to blossom. I wasn't rejected by my parents, But...

but I anticipated this... rejection, to be honest. I thought that they would react badly. However, my parents... were, rather ... cool about it, I should say. Despite this,... positif context, I couldn't talk about this with anyone. In fact, I found it really hard... to be myself. I ... felt completely lost.

I'm still a little bit shy, a bit introverted, it was a tough journey... indeed ! Yes, the suicide attempt. I was... 21 years old. It was... at the time where I met with the first boy... with whom I had sex . Well, I realized quickly, that... it wasn't clicking... I didn't have feelings for him.

And to be honest, I kind of fell in a trap... When I told him that I didn't want to go any further with him He threatened to tell my parents... my friends, If I had to leave him. So, I had to live... a little bit... in this kind of relationship, for about 5 to 6 months... and it felt like an eternity... Yes, I did go to see him, but I wasn't in love with him.

Until the moment... where I found the strength... to put an end to it, shut my phone, and decline all of his calls and attempts. And so I thought... that It was over. But he had my email and password. So, he sent a mail to all of my contacts, just to say that I was homosexual... I knew that he was the one to send the email. In fact, I was at my best friend's house,

We saw that live, because, we were... watching a movie on the computer. And then, all of a sudden, my friend received a mail from me, while I was next to him, all the time. I saw... the message that he received, live, and I saw that... the message was sent to a lot of people. So, I bursted into tears,... and freaking out all over. He didn't want me to leave the house, but... I left after all, because I was really...

not good at all. Once I was home, and I knew that my brother will get the same email, and that my parents would know about it now for sure... I wrote them a letter. In this letter, I explained a little bit how bad I was feeling, and that they will hear the news, in a few min... in the upcoming hours, that I was indeed homosexual... And it's that night, where, in fact, I attempted suicide. This suicide attempt, was... to escape other people's looks, but more importantly,

because I was worried about my parents reaction, even though I was in good terms with them. I didn't know how they would react, at all And yeah, my mom was the one who found me, completely, amorphous, in fact and then... Eventually, when the firefighters arrived, I was taken care of and she was reassured that there was nothing life-threatening so she read the letter that she found when... she was going through my stuff

But it wasn't really the best solution... the fact that I did hurt people around me. I found out later on, that my mom... and a lot of my exes, my friends, doubted the fact that I was homosexual. It was kind of a forced,... coming-out I would say,... and it didn't reveal much, to be honest. And it didn't help... at all. It was...

I found out that I had the support of everyone... that my parents were always there to listen, that also my friends were always there to listen, And that I did hurt them a lot... So, I would really say... to all the youngster and all adolescents, who are listening to me, that you should really find a way to say a few words, with your entourage, maybe with people that are or were close to you, in high school, college,

because, in fact, what did really save me... in retrospect, the thing that I regret I didn't do before, was really talking... talking to my best friend... about everything I was feeling. Here you are, ... a touching and a very tricky topic to discuss. Before we go any further, I would like to thank all the actors who participated in the filming. And I would like to salute Nicolas NOGUIER for his courage and his generosity to speak out, about this particular moment of his life,

and also for putting his trust in us, because, I don't want to hold things from you, at the moment where we filmed these clips, our channel wasn't even online yet ! So, thank you Nicolas, This will help us to discuss, in a moment with André Helman, a painful topic for gay people: suicide And this will help, for sure, those who struggle with their gender identity or their sexual orientation, but also with their entourage. So thank you, for all of you who are watching for all of you who are

trying to get this show to a larger audience, by clicking on the "Like" button down bellow, and sharing this video all over social media. And don't forget to subscribe to HappyGayTV by clicking now, at the bottom right of the screen.

Hello André, Tell me, what do you think about this report ? This report,... Indeed, it appears to be extremely interesting, because he talks about this... this problem, that the majority of the LGBT people has heard before, meaning, the higher risk there is, to attempt suicide, when you're gay but still young, in our society.

I would like to clarify first, that... I don't talk here as an expert, in anything. I don't claim to have the absolute truth, I give my point of vue, which the one of a professional, Doctor, Psychotherapist, for many years,... who had trainings, and who read a certain amount of books, articles, and it's from there, that I'm giving my point of vue. This risk, of attempting suicide.

And immediately would like to say that there's a difference between commit suicide and attempt suicide. Commit suicide, means, that... the attempt, eventually leads to death, which is, luckily, extremely rare. It is... even... really exceptional ! It happens, but it's exceptional ! What's very common is, That the young gays, or the young LGBT, and of course, it doesn't concern gay people only, but also lesbians, trans and... certainly, bisexuals also,...

have a higher risk, to attempt suicide. because... of the homophobia they suffer around them, this feeling of homophobia, they may have, and it echoes with everything they feel vis-à-vis their differences. André, it seems to me that, even though Nicolas Noguier was in a supportive family context he clearly said in the report that he wasn't able to speak about it. How do you explain that? Nicolas' parents were apparently "cool", that's what he said at least ?

This is something, that I see very often, with, with... my young patients, gays and lesbians, it's in fact a feeling of shame, a strong feeling of shame, due to the fact of being different from the others. This feeling of shame, comes in very early and it's linked to the fact that society... rejects homosexuality, rejects all forms of differences. And by the way, it increased these last years, with all these trends of "The March for All", and...

the, the homophobic violence that we've seen on the streets, in 2013, 2014. And people are still parroting about it till this day, people I see are still talking about it. This shame,... is not necessarily passed on from the parents, but from the entire society. It could be passed on from the classmates, the professors, the television, from... every source of information,

that the youngsters absorb every day, and in which there is, today, a lot of LGBT phobia, we could say... André, we say that words release the heart... and this is the reason why we go to see a shrink Nicolas, however, did right a letter to explain everything to his mother. We could think, that it would relieve him but he pushed things a little bit further by taking the medications. How could you explain this, André ? First of all, write it down is not talking about it !

It's a way of communication, surely, but you don't get a feedback, when you write ! And this is what happened in the case of Nicolas... Well,... He, he did... write this letter for his mom, but... he didn't know how she would react. And he could be scared, because of this internalized shame, he could be scared that she would react badly...

And... this feeling of shame is really intense ! And this... outing phenomenon, that consists in revealing the sexual orientation,... or, the gender identity of someone, who is different from the majority, without his or her consent, is something that leads you immediately,

to be rejected, by the entire society It causes some kind of... a paroxysm, of this feeling of shame, and feeling ashamed because you're different. As if being different, was fundamentally wrong. If I have understood correctly André, this means that young gays, who commit suicide are not necessarily depressed ?

Their suicide attempt would be then just a reaction to their environment ? Absolutely. This is clearly... It's something very important to highlight That depression, for sure, leads to suicide risk, or increase this risk. But, we could utterly attempt suicide, without being depressed, simply because there's this...

intense and acute moment, of anxiety linked to this feeling of rejection, this feeling of being abandoned by the society, being all alone... truly alone,... and this, this is... experienced as an unbearable moment. And this feeling that could often lead to... in general, the act of taking pills... in... large amounts

and... it's often a way to call for help. But it's not a deliberate manner : meaning that the person doesn't say to him or herself : "I will call for help" ! But the results are... that we start to pay attention to this person, to his or her feelings and suffering. André, a trigger in this story, obviously, the so-called Nicolas' boyfriend What should we think about his attitude, and his blackmailing ? It's, it's, it's difficult,

it's always difficult, to talk... about... about someone... and not knowing anything about the other side of the story,... because we only know what Nicolas told us. Neither you nor I, have met the boyfriend in question, so... Well, we make assumptions, about someone we don't know, someone we just heard of... I think we should be very careful, with this matter ! We can say that it's an attitude... that we may consider as childish or childlike. It's a way for kids, to get revenge from others.

And there are a lot of adults who didn't acquire yet enough maturity, to accept the fact of being left, without seeking revenge... André, what I find weird, is that Nicolas' boyfriend, acts exactly just like a homophobic would do ! Homophobic people are the first to make fun of homosexuals, and the first to tell everyone about it ! So, Nicolas' boyfriend, would be homophobic, even though he's gay? It's a strange attitude, that's the least we could say, even more contradictory, in my opinion ? Actually, in both cases

we could talk about internalized homophobia. There's the fact that, homosexuals,... hold society's homophobia within, and eventually their parents homophobia, if they show it to them. To hold it within, means that it becomes their own,... and... without realizing it ! They share the same... stereotypes, same prejudice, as... their environment. And it's certainly the case of Nicolas, and this is for sure what led to his suicide attempt.

And we can consider that... the reasons for his boyfriend to let out his secret, there was something like that Something that... could help him release out of his system... this feeling of society's rejection. He's not rejected, but his boyfriend don't love him anymore, and he considers that he did hurt him... So, he need to set himself free, from him, and from this internalized homophobia. Well... it doesn't last long, because it will go just like that...

But yeah, we could... we could imagine this like that. Now, It's very likely to have a part of homophobia within heterosexuals or people who consider themselves heterosexual, a part of homophobia that may be linked, to this temptation for homophobia it is very likely, but it cannot be demonstrated, but it's very likely. The fact of feeling... attracted to other men, while we consider ourselves to be straight,

and that for men, being attracted to women, is a fundamental value... is an unbearable experience ! And it could result in the rejection of people that are different... men who are considered to be effeminate... women who are considered to be masculine... and homosexuals in general. André, what can we say to the youngsters who are watching us

and who feel ashamed, isolated, and even depressed because of who they are ? Can we give them an advice, a clue, to easily find a good listener for their distress ? In France, there are a lot of possible resorts. In the majority of the big cities... there's an LGBT center and in these LGBT centers, there are reception services. There are not always psychological reception services, but there are starting to be more and more places like that. And there are reception services, where, you can come to talk anyways,

you could come to confide, to people that you are sure will welcome you with open arms. This, this exists roughly, in all of the big cities. There are also of course, psychotherapists who are ready, to welcome LGBT people. You can find them... in some directories, on the Internet, and you can find them particularly at the "Psy Gay" association

which is a national organization that you can call, or email to ask for the contact details, of a gay friendly... or an LGBT friendly psychotherapist. Yes, and I also want to say, that if you were a victim of homophobia, and if you can not move around in France, there's also another organization : SOS Homophobia. And mostly, don't forget to make a donation for REFUGE (Refuge or Shelter) Help them help those who are on the streets,

because of their sexual orientation or gender orientation So, André... Before we finish I would like to notify that Nicolas Noguier's life doesn't end here, and you'll see in a upcoming report how he managed to recover from everything and what were the consequences, the dramatic events that led him to create Le Refuge (Refuge or Shelter) So, to not miss anything about the captivating end of this story, I advise you to subscribe starting from now to HappyGayTV by clicking right away, here at the bottom right of the screen... André see you soon on HappyGayTV

and take good care of yourself So, I know that there are more and more of you who are watching us all over the world, we would like to know, here at HappyGayTV how is it back in your country. Are there LGBT centers just like in France And we would like to know also, if you ever had recourse to this kind of organizations to call for help and was it really helpful. But above all, if you had the possibility without getting yourself in danger, of course, we could like to know, what do you do,

all of you who are gay, to support each other, in this country where the homosexuality is still severely punished particularly with death penalty. Enjoy the Hot-Line on HappyGayTV.com to leave us your testimonies. Well, funny that, We're getting there, where we'll join Roselyne... Hello Roselyne, how are you doing today? Hello Marco,... oh yeah, I'm fine ! So ... I would like to say that, unlike my colleague... the handsome André,...

that I speak, as an expert, in beauty, in love... and in everything in between. Anyways ! (Laughs) Now that it's said. I've read a lot of magazines about this topic I've seen a lot of TV shows, I've lived... ouh !... a lot of similar stories, So, I speak for sure as an expert ! Fear not ! So, I'm waiting for you then !

HappyGayTV.com and let's get it on ! Leave some of your messages... some of your comments... and let's discuss everything together ! So, we are going to see the first comment right away, hein ! So, we have Marie-Thérèse... from Tampon, La Réunion (France)... who explains to us that she also had to, leave her village of 2000 habitants, because of people's looks ! Well, yes this is... really sad, she had to get this far, hein ! She's the only woman with a beard in this area...

and people were asking questions. Yeah, yeah, well in this case, I can understand what you're going through Marie-Thérèse ! Because, I, myself suffer from a fussy hairiness, And it's true that... I wouldn't like people judging me because of it ! No, no, I understand you... Laughs Sorry, there's Marco who's laughing like an idiot right next to me ! Well, what do you want me to say ! No, no, I understand,

You did well when you left your small village, But... try to do something else... I'll give you some beauty secrets, you'll see ! With the help Natacha (make up artist) we can do wonders ! We'll explain everything to you... Well well, what do you have more... We have... Laurent,... from Saint-Jean-de-Cuculle (Silly Saint-Jean),... in Hérault (France), who adopted blackmailing just like Nicolas Noguier's boyfriend did ?...

Hey what is this Laurent, you got me worried... So, he threatened to reveal to his companion's entourage that he has a micropenis ! Absolutely not ! Well, in this case... I disagree ! Look at Nicolas, hein,... just because of this... he attempted suicide... no, no... I don't want any of this... So, I see that your friend's name is Marc,... Well, nah nah... We ... Having a micropenis or not,... That's just the work of nature ! So... Anyways...

Marc... Marco ?... Laughs - yes Roselyne ? Didn't you say that your ex's name was Laurent? one time ? Laughs Haha... no, no, no,... No ! you shouldn't reveal to his entourage, his little problem... of nature,... it happens... hein

Well yes, I would like to say myself, that I do have a very big and open space... But that doesn't mean that... my exes will go and tell everyone about it ! You shouldn't say anything, at all... (Laughs) So, what's next ? We have... Maurice from Chatte (Fanny) in Isère (France) in interested by the movie broadcast on the computer upon receipt of the email... Ha yes !... Alright, I see ! Yes, yes, I went to check all by myself indeed... because I also wanted to know... So this movie is called : "Conger's eyes" (by Hélène Lallemand)

Alright ! And not The con's... eyes ("And not the con...vict eyes"), Laughs Let us not confuse ! Anyways ... let met reassure you, because we have a lot comments, Marco... Well yeah, because that's it, Marco ... embarked on a cinema career ! Laughs So... we've seen a lot of actors, playing,... roles to...

kind of illustrate, what Nicolas Noguier was telling us You must know that no actor... has been abused during the process of filming ! As you can see, here's the proof... Look closely... no abuse !

But it was a prank... We were just joking around... hein ! Well,... Anyways, a very big kiss to all of you, send me your messages, hein... HappyGayTV.com Warm kisses... (Laughs). Thank you Roselyne ! As you may have understood, we're now waiting for all of your comments and your testimonies, on HappyGayTV's Hot-Line. If you don't know it yet, we've put in place kind of a TV forum an online answering machine

to leave your messages, whether it's an audio file, or a video by going directly on the Hot-Line section at HappyGayTV.com You'll see, just like Roselyne, it's in pink, you can't miss it ! And with that being said here are your best comments, left recently on our severs. Check this out ! Hello, Simon here! Thank you for allowing me to watch this show in premiere.

André Helman, your shrink, doesn't make it clear, but according to me, it seems that Nicolas Noguier was under the control of his lover! It seems obvious to me that to go as far as giving the password of his mailbox, you must have been manipulated a bit! So, Nicolas' perverse lover made sure that he was trapped in his grip. And the day Nicolas wanted to escape from this toxic relationship, again according to my understanding,

the lover took revenge by using against Nicholas, the weapon that the latter, had given him himself, namely : his password! What a pervert! And this guy didn't even foresee the damaging consequences that this revelation could have had! But that's not surprising, since narcissistic perverts don't care about others! What they care about most, is primarily their own little selves!

The others are only negligible objects. So let's be careful, of these people, there are also a lot of them among gay people, and it would be interesting if HappyGayTV could make us an episode about it! Hi, I'm Nat! I wanted to thank HappyGayTV for having the courage to broadcast this show, despite all the legal problems that Nicolas Noguier is facing, as I speak.

But let's not worry about that, this does not detract in any way the relevance of his testimony. Because his statement allows us to realize that we are not necessarily in control of his coming out in life! That's why you have to be prepared for every contingency! And I wanted to thank HappyGayTV for having the great idea, to make a training course about coming out. One can never be well prepared

to deal with this kind of behavior Thank you and see you soon! Bye! Hi, it's Poly! I wanted to share a message of hope to all those who are gay and are afraid of being outed, or to come out! Know that if you are gay, you have something to live for. as a gay person in this world! And if your family rejects you, it's because they don't deserve you! Your happiness is elsewhere. And you'll find somewhere,

someone who will appreciate you, just as you are! So, please, don't be like Nicolas, and attempt to end your life! Keep hope! Despite the obstacles, life is always worth living So, live! Kisses to all! That's it, my "Little ones", we're near the end ! I still have to remind you, if you didn't do it yet, subscribe right away, here in the bottom right, click now on the "Like" button, just below the video

and mostly, share this video with everyone on social media... Yes, it's important for all young gays and trans who don't feel comfortable in their own skin, So, do it now ! And thank them ! Ah, I was about to forget, we had a lot of people asking to know more about HappyGayTV and who want to be actively invested in our channel. We created then kind of a private club,

a VIP club it's the HappyGayTV Club ! Remember, HappyGayTV Club ! So, go and make the most out of it now ! Register right away, it's still free at the moment, and this will give access to private videos and confidential informations about our channel, attend our previews, take part of games, public shows or exclusive offers.

You just need to go, now, to HappyGayTV.com and you'll be one of our privileged followers Remember, HappyGayTV club ! And who knows, maybe one day you'll get to even be closer to our mascot : I meant to say : Roselyne ! Anyways, in the name of all the HappyGayTV team I give you a warm kiss, See you soon ! Ciao, ciao !

Yes, it's for my hair removal appointment... Yes, we'll be together, at the end, I'll come with a friend of mine... Marie-Thérèse… (Laughs) Thank you, and have great day... Well, we won't leave her hanging like this (Laughs)