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Have you ever wondered if you were homosexual? If your sexual orientation has not always been obvious, you have surely gone through this phase of doubts, questions, even anxiety. Maybe you're right into it. After all, the heterosexual norm that we see everywhere, in the media, in everyday life, but also in cultural products such as films and series, pushes us to accept love for the opposite sex as a matter of course. This is what can make the discovery of one's attraction to other men disturbing [internal link to " how to assume one's homosexuality " on "one's attraction to other men"]. Finally, how do you know if you are gay?


Being gay is not an inescapable box

Sexual orientation is not fixed and it can be multiple. If defining yourself precisely and firmly is nerve-wracking: don't. There is no obligation to put a label on your attractions if you do not feel the need, even if it is sometimes easier to explain to those around you (and we want to save ourselves long debates sterile).

However, there are terms to try to categorize people who are mostly heterosexual, but who assume occasional attractions and relationships with people of the same sex. They are called hetero-curious or heteroflexible. [internal link to Straight Curious on "hetero-curious or heteroflexible"] Perhaps you'll find yourself in these words rather than the simple opposition: straight or gay.

It is also possible that your questions about your possible homosexuality lead you to discover your bisexuality. That is, an emotional, physical and sexual attraction to men and women.

And maybe, like many people, you will discover your sexual and emotional attractions, preferences and orientations a little every day. If you are ready to move forward today, you can ask yourself the following 3 questions.

Am I gay? The 3 questions to ask yourself

The following questions are neither truth tellers nor sexual orientation tests. We thought of them as personal questions to have so that you can move forward in your journey and answer the question yourself: am I gay?

1. What do you think of the beauty of men?

So yes, we can recognize the beauty of a man without necessarily being homosexual. And besides, we're not going to ask you to take a public stand to determine who is the most handsome man of the year.

What this question hides is your reaction.

If you find yourself alone, quiet and honestly wondering about the beauty of men, observe your reactions and thoughts.

  • Which man do you find handsome?
  • What makes him so beautiful in your eyes?
  • How does that make you feel?

By following the thread of your thoughts, by observing what is happening within you during these moments of reflection on male homosexuality, you will already be able to identify the possible beginnings of attraction, feelings of love or even excitement.

2. What are your past favorites?

Your past crushes on personalities or people in your school circle.

Whether it was that former French teacher who captivated you with his looks and gestures or the thoughts that came to you every time you looked at that famous actor: maybe you have some male crushes in your past.

Consciously or not, you may have repressed them or hidden them behind an outbidding of female models qualified as attractive or sexy. Perhaps by internalizing your attraction to men as repressed homosexuality.

By the way, you may have realized that you mostly notice men when you walk down the street or in the evening.

How often and with what intensity did these crushes occur?

If they were regular and/or more intense than those for women, this gives you valuable information about your preferences and your sexual orientation.

3. Do you regularly fantasize about people of the same sex as you?

We are not just talking here about noticing the beauty of other boys, but about experiencing intimate moments of excitement that feature men. It's not always easy to admit it, especially when you have received an education centered around homophobic values.

So, have you ever had erotic thoughts with other men  or fantasized sex? As you read this question, observe your thoughts and reactions. This will give you valuable insights into yourself and even sometimes into your inner blockages.

If you are wondering if you are a lesbian [link to article "how to know if you are a lesbian" on "if you are a lesbian"], an article has also been written to help you.

Moreover, keep in mind that this information and these questions belong entirely to you. You are under no obligation to share them with anyone. If, however, you feel the need to be surrounded in a benevolent way and to better understand the upheavals you are going through, you can count on HappyGayTV and its community. [link to hotline or training?]


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