There, it's done !
After a surge of emotions, an adrenaline rush that shatters the ceiling and the upheavals in those around you, you have just come out!
You probably feel as relieved as you are lost. And this is quite normal.
You will be able to openly assume your sexual attractions or your identity that has been hidden for so long! It is therefore a happy and serene life that is offered to you, in perfect harmony with others, yourself and the universe. Sounds like a dream, isn't it?
Unfortunately, that's not exactly how it works in real life.
In fact you will find yourself in an intermediate state, a period of transition.
It’s like you’re in the midst of turbulence, trying to find your new cruising speed.
Now is the time to take your marks. A new world opens up to you whether you have experienced your first coming out [internal link to the pillar page on the terms “experiencing your first coming out” in the text] or you are fully embracing those around you. And this world can be colorful!
- Taming your new public identity
- What to do in case of rejection?
- Raise awareness of identity issues
Taming your new public identity
Tip number 1: be curious. There is no one way to experience your homosexuality [internal link to level 2 page on "how to tell if you are homosexual" in text].
At HappyGayTV, we want you to be able to feel good as gay, lesbian, trans, bisexual… Whether you live in harmony with your identity, leaving aside guilt or doubts.
Dare to express yourself. Not to claim anything and everything out of pure provocation, but to assert who you are. Find spaces, places, times:
- Where you can just be yourself in all your uniqueness;
- Where you can tackle all subjects without fear,
- Where you can express yourself without having to weigh every word so you don't end up labeling for life.
It sounds obvious, but at the same time it's terrifying, isn't it? What to say ? Where to express yourself? From whom ? How to feel safe? Very legitimate questions!
A little help to get started? Head to our hot-line and share your joy or your current questions. You do not know what subject to broach to test the waters. Give your opinion on a video, an article, an interview that made you react.
Dare to leave us a message CTA Hot-line HappyGayTV
After this first step, then the next, you will gradually gain self-confidence. You will discover all the new possibilities that you did not consider until then for fear of the gaze, of being discovered.
You will probably go a step further in accepting yourself, and that's all you get!
What to do in case of rejection?
You took the plunge, you started to openly assume your homosexuality, bisexuality or transidentity. Great ! You can congratulate yourself on it already, however it turned out.
Keep in mind that not accepting your gender identity or sexual orientation is neither universal nor timeless.
Only a few people refused to accept you as you were, not all of humanity, so leaving quite a few billions of people ready to love you for who you are, some of whom are certainly here.
Whether it is your family or some of your friends, their negative reaction to your coming out [internal link to the level 2 page on the terms “negative reaction to your coming out” in the text] is not set in stone. time. Moreover, it is only the expression, over a moment, of their own fears, projections and limits. Like everyone else, they also have to make their own way, which can lead them to a totally opposite view on homosexuality or transidentity.
Don't hold it against them, it's up to them now to walk the same path as you to acceptance and it might not be easy for them. Leave your door open for them, time will take care of the rest.
The important thing, however, will not be to wait for people to change and accept you, but to focus on what is really important: you.
- Understand that you are not responsible for their rejection;
- Accept that not everyone rejoices in your happiness;
- Stop seeking everyone's approval;
- Take the time to find those whose presence helps you;
- Try to be good with yourself first.
Need to be supported in the face of rejection? CTA: Towards coming-out training
Raise awareness of identity issues
With each new person you meet, you may be faced with new questions. We're not going to lie to each other, that's for sure. It's up to you to see how you want to conduct these kinds of moments.
Your role is not to educate people to accept difference. If you don't want to explain the concept of non-binarity, don't. Let those around you know that you don't identify with female or male is enough.
Clearly state your expectations such as "with me, you must use masculine pronouns and chords" or "this first name is mine from now on".
Compliance with these legitimate requirements is not subject to the level of understanding of your interlocutor:
- Does the person opposite understand that you feel like a man rather than a woman or the other way around? That does not prevent him from using the correct pronouns and first names.
- Your interlocutor does not recognize the non-binarity? That doesn't stop him from keeping his remarks in his head, rather than expressing them.
- Do those around you still see you as the man or woman they have always known and do not accept the identity with which you are in tune? That doesn't prevent them from stopping calling you by your old first name or deadname.
You are not responsible for making the whole world aware of your cause. If you want to, if you want to campaign: do it. But it's not an obligation, a burden you have to carry once you've come out.
On the other hand, you have the right to be respected for who you are and to set the limits with which you feel good. And this is the best foundation you can build to welcome your new life.
To be respected is also to know how to express well to others his needs, such as that of being correctly named.
Training can help with this: CTA to training