So Scared : Victorious fight against testicular cancer: The inspiring story of a young gay man, Christophe Mangelle

What can you do when you are gay, and that you are affected during your younger days, deep in the very heart of your masculinity ? What meaning to give to your life and, what path to follow, after having to deal with an 8-year fight, battling the disease, and getting so close to death ? What are the lessons that Christophe MANGELLE has learned from this hardship to recover stronger, eand become here, today, a gay man in his prime, as much in his professional life,

that in his personal life? A testimony both powerful and, surprising, and that will be followed by the analysis, as relevant as ever, by André HELMAN who will enlighten us, so much on the physiological aspect, and the psychological aspect, of this extraordinary journey! As usual, your comments, left recently, on the hotline, and of course, how could we forget her? Roseline, that you Love relentlessly, and who is apparently not coming alone today!

Hey, guys, I brought you a new friend pet, a feathery one ! Look! HA HA HA HA You want see what he looks like? Just calm down! See you later!

Good morning, my little ones, hello to all! You may have already heard about him, or read his book: "So scared." (Tellement peur) that came out in 2008, at Oh Editions. We wanted to know, ever since all this time, what had happened with Christophe MANGELLE. How was he doing? Was he well? Was he able to reintegrate in society, when the disease had him prevented from pursuing his vocation in life, or from studying...? Even more so,

how did he end up creating by spring 2019, the Mook of la Fringale Culturelle, "Cultural Hunger" and what were the steps, that helped him going from the disease, to the birth of this magazine? But most of all, as a gay man, and as a result of what he had to go through was he able to engage and blossom in a sentimental and a sexual life of his own ? Christophe MANGELLE has, well accepted to return for all of us, and not without emotion, on this tricky part of his life!

So now here's to you a journey that was demanding but rewarding, a testimony full of hope, which I would like to dedicate today, to those of you, fighting the disease, but also to everyone else, helping them in the process ! Check it out! My name is Christophe, I'm 40 years old, and I'm about 1 m 90, for 80 kg and, it's important for the rest of the story! It's just in my early 20s, about a month or so,

before my birthday. I'm taking a shower. As I was showering, I was feeling.. my testicles, and right there I sensed something which is a bit hard, a bit, a bit unusual. It's neither hard nor soft, but it's kind of weird. And then, as time goes on, I don't pay attention to it, and from there, it starts to swell, and to gain volume, and so I decided to go and see a doctor, who examined me and refered me back to the E.R. From the E.R., they didn't really listen to me...

and they didn't understand, well, what was wrong with my testicles! And then, after a while, 15 days or three weeks, we finally know what was really going on. And within these 15 days, 3 weeks, one of my testicles, increased in volume, and I knew there, that something's not right, but I still didn't have a clue about what this could be. I went to see a general practitioner, who prescribed me antibiotics. So that makes another 10 days of antibiotics,

and after six, seven days, I realize that antibiotics, had no effect. And so, I decided to go on my own to the emergencies, and stay there until I get an answer for my problem, meaning if I don't get taken care of, I'm not leaving. And so they examined me again and again, and they ended up telling me that I have cancer testicle cancer ! You don't say, just like that the word cancer,

and so, as a result, they explained to me that it's serious, and that they need to perform surgery... quite urgently, on my testicle, but no one ever mentions the word cancer to me. And once the surgery done, and my testicle removed they started talking to me... about maybe, starting chemotherapy treatment. It's by making the assumption about getting chemotherapy, that I made the connection with the word cancer. The fact that they removed one testicle,

I'm being asked questions a bit dumb, about sexuality, about whether or not you can have a normal sex life? How's it going to be after if you want to have children? So, there's all these questions here, that are being asked. Then there are these questions about death, that aren't asked yet but are rather put on hold, and are not mentioned yet. At this point, I think there are some things I can do.

I'll get the treatment, and in eight months, between chemotherapy and the surgery, in other words, removal of the testicle, testicular replacement by a prosthetic testicle, from there to after about eight months, I'll get back to my life. living as the normal young man I used to be. I feel good, because I outwitted and I got past an obstacle, rather, quite serious. A few months later,

a lot of personal stories from people who had cancer around me and all that, you know, and it's true that I wasn't using always the right words, to talk about this with them. Because, I had this little winning side, a bit young-ish, a bit, I would say maybe a bit cheeky, in other words, at that time, I still didn't learn my lessons, from this first stage. There was a second stage,

a few, a few years later. The cancer came back, so we're barely 2%, of patients who are affected with testicular cancer, and to be this unfortunate and have cancer for the second time! I was around 24 years old. It was a real problem, because they had to perform surgery again... on the remaining testicle. So this means that I won't have any. And so, I started asking questions: How do you even live... with no testicles?

We no longer produce testosterone naturally. And as a result, it should be balanced by ANDROTARDYL injections and it's a lifelong treatment. So I'm still getting these shots. It's another round of chemotherapy, another surgery. And then, from there, I'm getting on with my life. It still has an impact on my sex life ! All the way down the line, I took precautions, about this AIDS thing,

and it's actually cancer that comes in, right at the heart of my younger days, and moreover that affects sexual, and reproductive attributes, which have indeed a very important value in the life of a homosexual! Obviously, afterwards in order to build a sex life around it, it was a bit complicated, but not impossible. I have erections no problem whatsoever. A few months later, It's back again, cancer returns, in my lymph nodes

It's called , a lymphatic recurrence, which were located at, uh, next to my kidney. And this is a little bit more... annoying, because, it spreads easily through the body. they had to perform lymph node excision. If I knew about it before, I never would have gotten , this surgery done, because I've had to stay for days in the intensive care unit, because, it was very tough and extremely

painful, and they didn't do much to take away this pain, and it was a martyrdom for me. Lymph node excision, it's very hard! Extremely, painful! Afterwards, when you get out of the hospital.., Well, you need to learn again how to walk, how to eat. You had a big incision going from here until here. And the healing process, takes over a month. You'll need other people to help you! And it's not over yet!

A few months later, it happens again! Now, this one is quite a recurrence... and quite severe to be honest, 'cause it went to the lungs! And it's splintered everywhere ! It's on both lungs, the inner parts and the outer ones, of both lungs. So now discouragement starts to set in. and the medical staff that was with me throughout everything from the beginning, started to feel a bit hopeless.

But then, I had to go to Villejuif ! Because, I'll need to get into a therapeutic trial. It's the only way. Lucky me, I am only 27 years old! Besides my cancer, I'm in great form ! So I'm a sick man in good health! What does that mean?

It means that, when we all do the other tests, on all the organs, on the heart, and all the other organs, the patient is young, so he's able to withstand treatments, that are extremely heavy. Personally, I've tried a medicine that was working well, but they needed to test it off the rhythm, and regularity.

And that was quite difficult! At some point, you become a guinea pig, Indeed! What was amusing to me, is when you arrive at the Gustave-Roussy Institute, at the... So, at the time because, that must have changed, when you go up certain floors, Well, it's still cancer, but, it's quite serious, and the further up the floor you go, the more serious it is in fact! So, you find yourself, almost at the top floors, and now I'm thinking..:

but this is the top floor, before going to heaven, if it doesn't work! This time it's quite tricky, because there's not much of opportunities to get out of it. When your loved ones are coming to see you, they have to, put on a mask and slippers. And then.., the first few days, I eat, then from the second or third day, it's over, I'm can't eat anymore!

So you're a fed through tubes. Chemotherapy sessions are very strong, to the extent of the aplasia of certain areas. And so there, it's the entire palate that is paralyzed! You can get infections that are very serious. In fact, I've had some problems, a sepsis episode on top of all that! Aside from the sepsis, other difficult times, where I had all these tubes and pipes

that were everywhere ! I had ulcers, it's extremely rough, difficult, painful, and every day has its share of disasters! You can't eat, you're tired all the time, you're always throwing up... I mean, it was ... mayhem! You're getting yourself into a battle, which is to give yourself the means, to fix yourself, and to make sure to hold on as long as possible, because you feel that, this disease,

can still get you killed. You start to understand everything, at that time! I'm just thinking that it's not going to... actually work, because I keep asking myself this question. And after a month, after going through hell, I had to go through medical exams again, and at that moment, I couldn't see the point of all this! So, they take me back up after all of the tests, and I wait for them to give the verdict: It's actually not changing anything! Nothing's happening!

It doesn't work that well! You have to go through the second round of intensive chemotherapy, and through which I can barely get out of my house, have very little time of my own, and go back and do it all over again! And from there, the results are still not satisfying! At the end of the second month, it gets even crazier! It's too much to handle. Very hard and confusing! So I feel like, everything's falling apart, psychologically!

That's all we're left with: Thinking. In fact, they're forcing psychologists on us... coming into our room, when we don't necessarily want to talk to them. We obviously don't want that. But to be honest, they are indispensable because we get to talk to someone for a little while, and it feels good, but you feel like you're talk to say nothing, because, what scares us, it's death! So be it! And what's even worse.., is that in the department, you hear that people die, too,

in the other rooms, next to us, and then we start to think, well, after all, we're next on the list! Because they didn't... Why would we be more lucky than them ? We also tend to belittle what we have! Because I'm a young man, and I don't have children, and next to me, there was a mother, with three children, who left this world! In fact, every time, we tend to ... look away everything,

and tell ourselves that.., it's not as bad as it was for the others! That's completely stupid, since we're in the same department, and that we all need the the same treatment! And now I'm thinking, it's not possible, people are already saying goodbye to me, they are saying their last words to me, and I'm here, not saying goodbye, not saying anything ! I'm doing everything it takes, I'm suffering,

I'm in pain, I've even got a few bad results! Well, they are, kind of taking me to my grave, I mean... But, they are maybe right! And so it's a lot of, ups and downs, Sometimes I'm harsh with everyone, for example, when my grandma, comes in crying, I ask her to leave, because there's no point in coming to see me, if it's for crying, because I want to be surrounded by happiness,

when I'm totally not happy at all! But I'm trying to look for elements in others, that could ... on which I can rely to continue through this whole thing. So, when my grandmother, who is my happiness, and who always gave me the strength, the desire to live, falls apart crying, I could say that I'm extremely hard, and I ask her to leave, and only come back, when she'll be able to to smile! And so is what she does, crying... even more!

And then she comes back two days later, going against her own feelings, and promising me that she will keep her smile but only in the room! My mom, with whom sometimes, I've had quite a distant relationship, well, decided to be there at that time, every single day! And it took her a lot of time with transportation, and a lot of organization in her life. My sisters, who came to see me whenever they ... could.

So you can feel that there's a... somehow of a rocker, maybe I'm just holding on for nothing, Maybe this is where. it gets difficult! Whenever I had a moment where I was feeling a little bit better, I tried... to read a book, and when I would read a book, and it lasted 10 minutes, 20 minutes, it was a great victory for that day...! When I used to watch shows, I was watching one episode per day, but in 4, 5 times!

It was still a victory in this hassle called life! And I was hanging on to small things like this! Family members was truly amazing. And so they were keeping me going... by talking to me often because they had understood that culture, was my forte, to keep me entertained. And it's a fight, where no one knows where we're going! So, the shows that helped me, I'm thinking Six Feet Under, because first, I was more interested in series, that were really sophisticated and elaborate, with a cinematic quality,

and which, by the way, had an echo, on the issues they were tackling like the movie "American Beauty." I say that to say the least, that these are auteur films, these are large-format series, but they all have one thing in common, reflections about our society. And at some point, with what I was going through, there were things going through my head, and I couldn't find the words to describe it, to express these emotions. And these series, here,

gave me the opportunity to express emotions, while these stories had nothing to do with mine, but still took on themes that were aligned with my thoughts. Grieving. I was afraid to die, but I watched a TV show, that helped me so much, which is, The Casketeers. So, kind of fighting fire with fire over here, and it worked. And also all the "Urgences" TV series (ER),

and that moment, I couldn't help it. but to watch them, and I used to treat myself with these shows ! "Urgences," I want through all of them, because there's nothing more powerful, than to see that, Myself, a sick individual, who might be the patient of the show, at some point, may have a favourable outcome, and that of this successful outcome, we can make something out of it. a beautiful and a positive thing. And so, thinking that I always had,

this hope that lived on, with the TV series and the dramas playing on the screen. There were times when it felt good to say: what about me, is it not my turn yet ? even if it's possible... and then.., I was right, because this hope ground, led me to think that, all this drama, that I saw on the screen, at this point, there's a favourable outcome. Reality sometimes goes beyond fiction, because, I experienced a scene,

which could maybe annoy the viewers, if they had to put it on a show, or maybe caricatured. Well, I made an oncologist cry, in Villejuif, because, at some point, with my test results, we had gone through all of this together, this whole therapeutic trial. And in the end.., we had some good news, because, the cells have started to become necrotic, and therefore they're getting destroyed by the treatment. And so,

we were going back right on track ! After my lungs were saved two days later, I experienced an acute pain episode...! and so I go back to the E.R, and I run into her! She says to me: It's not possible! We had great news, 48 hours ago! What's going on? for you to experience such pain, just like that! Well, we do another checkup, and then.., we see,

that the cancer is recurring, with nodules on the liver this time ! And there it is, she starts crying ! Because at some point, they're also human beings, Well, they get attached. to their patients. For me, I can see why they are asked to not become attached to the patients, to avoid these situations, so that they don't cry! Because when she cries, in fact she condemns me!

In my head I'm thinking, so now I'm done ! There's nothing more to do! Now it's over! But now, I do understand why she was crying, with hindsight. But on the spot it was like, she condemned me! This is it, I'm a dead man, that's it ?! My ex-boyfriend's parents were there, that day, because they were the ones who had a car and they came with me.

I tell him, I... It's over, I'm dying! And they tell you no! And I say: but yes, you don't understand! It's terrible, because on top of that, you're struggling to help someone understand, something that is not true. Sentimental life, all the way through, is all about dating, meeting the right people,

it's about accepting failures in love and affection, to be able to bounce back at any given time, find the right person. Maybe some, some friends, with whom you can establish a relationship, between two recurrences, that took place, and who hold speeches that are rather humanistic and.., nice, friends to whom we get attached and there you go. In fact, I think that at that moment, they're sincere,

but once the challenges come in, and the cancer is back on its way, and with the hospitalizations, the chemo treatments and everything, it's the big bang! No one can handle it! It's not a lack of sincerity from that person, it's that at some point, we must not forget, we're in our 20s, 30s, and that my partners have, the same age as me! At some point, it's too much for them,

they, don't have what it takes psychologically. They have something else to live for. So this, it leads to break-ups. But after a year or two! There was, however, an attempt to battle it out together. And it happened for me, too, meaning that, at some point, I don't want to inflict that. So, I let myself loose, because when I break free from life, I'm breaking free from love, I'm breaking away from loving, because as we go along, we no longer live, we survive!

And we're kind of flirting, with death! I'm talking about flirting, because it's short in time. I didn't go through with it. And these stories, at some point, well, there's no room for them. That's not my story, when you see the light, at the end of the tunnel, that kind of thing! It's not like that. it's not how it happened ! It happened, because I was in my younger years,

I got sick, and I had to go to the hospital, because my body was falling apart. So, there's one more question, on the physics and reflection, which is: "Do I die or not?" And to what extent is it true ? And I'm getting ready to say to myself: Well, there's quite a lot, a lot of signs. So there, I'm also giving up! And, I don't fight anymore, because it doesn't work anymore! And, only few weeks ago... I was saying to myself,

It's over! Nothing makes sense anymore. I was in too much pain! So, I'm going to let go, and surrender to the disease, and lie down in my bed until I die. What's really surprising, in my story is that at when, I'm getting used to this thought, to this idea, a couple of days later, they come see me, and they tell me...: "Well, your treatment is working." That's it!

And so this is very psychologically demanding, to become a this living machine again, when everything was off, and that psychologically, I was dead! And above all that, my body is dead! Metaphorically speaking, in the fact that he's not moving. And in fact, I weighed 48 kilos, when I got out of the hospital, they had to hold me! And I needed to learn how to eat, again ! And it's because of this learning process, which as time goes on, brought me back to life!

But it took me, the same few weeks and few days, so I can finally say to myself...: it's over! And then I was told, well, no, it's not over yet! It took me the same amount of time, to get back on track, and make things work again. So actually, when you put it all together, I did go through a pretty weird month, where there was death and life... at the same time! That's why I'm talking about flirting with death!

I believe in God, when I am extremely sick! Spirituality takes control! The forces, everything we can't control, hope, all that...! But I don't believe in God! I believe in energies, I'm willing to believe in the reincarnation, anyway! I can believe, things that are not believable. that in fact, man can't control everything,

but I'm not a believer, that's it, it's not religious that's what I'm trying to say. At the moment when they told me... it's over, there was still a trip that was planned, for months and even before I go to the hospital, when it was very painful. Therapeutic trials, protected area, trying to save my lungs. There was, uh, a scheduled trip to Montreal. I've never gone this far before. in my life!

Actually, when the teams were asked, I was in a very bad condition! I was told: "Alright" ! Because, after all... in their minds, it may be the last trip I was about to make. I was told "OK"! So I went, and when I went on that trip, I didn't understand what happened. But I was just as in shape as the others! Meaning, we've been all over town, in every direction, we even attended the Francofolies de Montréal,

because at that moment, there were a lot of concerts. And, uh, I made it through seven days of travel, six days, but... amazing, it was like I had nothing, I wasn't even sick ! And on the seventh day, so the night before we leave, a disaster, pain, that knocked me down to bed! We didn't know what I had! Panic on board! We got on a plane that we had to catch, They've helped me with everything,

until we catch that plane ! I got on the plane, without going through the customs formalities, in an extreme state of emergency! A catastrophe! And the same, to get out of the airport, and once in Paris, we went straight to the hospital! They run some tests, and they find out, that my treatment is working! The pain was actually not because, there was a new organ that was affected along with the others.

We've all imagined the worst and said to ourselves: Come on again, it has probably proliferated elsewhere, and it's a new disaster! Not at all! In fact, it's because, the treatment was actually working, and that the cells ...started to die. And now.., it hurts! Actually, cancer is like being locked up. I've been faced several times, with recurrences, and I asked myself, or so we were all wondering...:

why me? Well, actually.., that's not a real question! It's quite useless to ask this question: Why me? Nonetheless, it is still... an interesting one, because, I found that every time the cancer comes back, it was like I was going back, like a prisoner, to my cell, and that I was living locked up, because of nursing, chemotherapy, because of my body, because of the fact that it was handicapping. And that this imprisonment, the only crime I ever committed, was that my cells decided to act anarchically.

It's crazy, though! Cells that behave in an anarchic state, you know, and funny enough, you end up a prisoner of your own cells ! I think cancer has to do, with some psychological factors. I've lived in a climate, rather a family context which was challenging, like many people, but other people would have responded, certainly by depression, or other ways. Me, I think it's my body, that gave this particular answer! And indeed,

since I've quit this tiring job the psychological aspect, not only saved me, but also helped with my physical care, I was able to get through cancer and today, it's been over 11 years, that I'm no longer sick, but from a psychological perspective, I'm not the boy, that I was when I got sick! When I got sick, I used to be a boy. who had important psychological trauma. Today,

I had to address both issues, I had to patch up my wounds, and I had to think about them also. So... today, I have finally been able to grasp everything I've been through. I live with it and not against it, and so, I think my body is much stronger. Besides, it still helped me meet my dad, you know, because at some point, when the cancer came back and hit the lungs, and we had to go through all these therapeutic trials,

and you think it's the end, my grandmother came to me; yet she's not the mother of my dad but the mother of mom and this grandmother told me..: I think it's about time and it would be good for you to see your father, before you... And then it was done! It's part of the things that helped heal my wounds. Absolutely! And so, at some point, there was an end to this nightmare. I managed to save my liver, with chemotherapy, for two years. During these two years, I started questioning myself,

this disease, is not planning on killing me, for now. It's becoming chronic. The disease is not planning to leave anytime soon either, and so hope comes in, the desire to live returns... and I'm learning not to live against it anymore, but with it. And, in fact, it's by accepting this course, as we go along, I've resumed the TV shows, the pleasures, the stakes. I write, I publish my story, ...and I'm going public with it in the media.

Writing a book ... is really something, you know ! In fact, from this experience, I'm actually building something, and so, by creating, you start enjoying life again ! And now I'm free from the disease! Eventually, by flirting with death, she didn't totally wanted to end up with me. It's just that I wasn't an ideal partner! I think anyway, today, and now we're kind of in the spiritual level too, if I'm here, it's because I still have a lot of things to do!

And that it wasn't over yet ! There is a responsibility to do something in this life, with this time that's left for us ! Because the time left today, is a bonus that I don't necessarily should have! I don't know. Anyways, today, I'm aware that it's time, that we should put to good use. With cancer, even if I was fortunate. enough to escape from it, it kind of left me in a situation pretty much precarious and extremely challenging! After all these episodes,

one would think but now I'll need to... to go to work again ! Except I spent eight years of my life treating myself, from 20 to 28 years old! For me, to find a job now, knowing that I am still very fragile! Well, that's a a bit complicated! You'll have to get a disabled worker permit From there, I went ... to a bank, in an apprenticeship contract. And that's how, I was able to bounce back, in the work cycle.

Then, as time goes by, I get my CDI. (Contract of indefinite duration). Besides, I sell banking and insurance products over the phone. I don't really. like that, at all! That's not my profile, but it's the only way, for me, so I can make a living! After three years, I decided to not stay there, because at some point, There's, uh, going to work. to make a living, but at some point, I can't go to work there anymore I can't do a job that does not match my

profile, my character, myself ! I couldn't live with the idea, of doing everything in my power, to get my life back and end up going to a job I don't like. So, there was a moment there, which we call burn-out, because there's been too much work, too much pressure. And I couldn't, or more it wasn't possible for me, to handle that pressure, in addition to everything I had to go through. So I took a year off, where at the same time, the website was finally live and available: La Fringale Culturelle. And just like that, one thing led to another,

I fought for my website, and met Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt, with whom I've worked, at the Théâtre Rive gauche. And from there, he suggested to join him, in his theater, to take care of all digital communication of the theater. Well, at that moment I.., I felt much stronger, and I handed in my resignation to the bank, in order to go to the theater, and finally have some fun,

in a field that was a better match for me! And it's been downright a success! And then afterwards, I've had so much fun, that I wanted to leave because I wanted to do the same job, but not in the same universe. And it's in publishing, where I proved myself to be worthy of this field, while continuing to run La Fringale Culturelle, which brings us years later to the release of a paper magazine.

It's all because of cancer, through experience, that I had this demand, and these guts, to take a turn. At some point, you have to spread your wings and fly ! And that's a real challenge, too, and a real risk! But that we have take, because it's tough, to get in entrepreneurship, but it's always easier, than having to undergo chemotherapy. And indeed,

it's all built up on my story. Because I figured out one thing, it brought me joy, acquaintances, human adventure, and even if it was hard, but it's always easier, than to battle the disease! I've met someone, who today is always with me! To whom I'm married, so it was really, a very interesting journey! And it's been 11 years,

that the disease is long gone, and when I first stopped treatments in October, that when I met him, virtually on a gay network, the same month! The month of October! And so once they stopped the treatments.., we decided to meet. Except for me, I considered him to be just like everyone else, as it was for him too ! It certainly, was the case, at least !

Laughters He was aware of my past, very quickly, dduring our date, since I had already published the books, which he read. And from there, the adventure began to take form. Despite everything, all my health experiences, and the fact also, that I didn't necessarily have a regular job! And this I think is great, because I really needed to, turn this page, about the disease,

and open up a new one, on a great story of love! Actually, I didn't have, to seduce him. using my balls, because I didn't have any ! So, It's definitely not about there! It's about the guy... that I am, about the battle I had to fight! First of all, he's certainly been touched, by the journey, by the story. As we went along, we got to learn more about each other, you know, and then he got fond of me, just like I was fond of him...!

But it wasn't determined because of sexuality, at first ! Well, it's for sure a little bit weird, in the gay world, which seems to work only through sexual encounters ! I think, that love stories, start and build up, not on sexual sparks! As a matter of fact, for me, the best encounters, where I've the most fun having sex, are not all guys, with whom I've been able to work on whatever relationship it is!

So, I think there has to be a distinction, between sexual relationships, and love relationships, romantic ones and the guys who end up in our lives, and with whom we're going every step of the way! When it comes to children when it did hit me at the age of 20 and after 24 years, but the issue with that is that, first, I had to check if my sperm is still intact or is it damaged by the tumor? I had to know if it's healthy,

if I'm fertile or not, because I haven't had any tests done yet! From there, the tests results were good. And indeed, I had sperm taken out, and put in cups and then frozen. And then if I want to be a dad, we can get them back. What is love? It's kind of complicated, and a bit simple at the same time ! It's complicated, because, when you put on performance in love, actually, it doesn't work!

That's why it's complicated, But, uh.., love becomes easier and simple, when you realize, that we're able to share, every moment in a life, and that the person who we are with, can be both our lover, our friend, or even a relative, a confidant, or a person who knows everything! And this person may know all there is to know about us, he or she's not going to use it against us. This person will deal with it,

and we're going to be very strong together ! And that, I think is love! In the end, we're nowhere near the ass! Laughters Why him? I don't know, in fact, because, just like him, he must think that about me, sometimes he kind of gets on my nerves ! But, he's the only one who gets on my nerves, and still love him about it! Whereas, when someone pisses me off, I'm leaving! It's loyalty,

a lot of loyalty, a lot of respect, and indeed a lot of love! Despite everything, life can be beautiful! Very, very beautiful! The hardships are there, so that we can appreciate the moments where it's just awesome. Ah, very! Very happy! Thank you Christophe, and we wish you a beautiful and long life ! Were you moved... by this report ? did you like that testimony ? it's time for you to let it be known,

by clicking now on : "Like" and sharing it, as many times as you can, on social networks, but also through texting and e-mail, It works too! It may seem like nothing, but as I like to say.., it's a small gesture for everyone, but a big step for all of us, in this fight against homophobia and transphobia. Because let's be clear, the more this kind of program will be seen,

the more people will consider gays, as human beings just like the others! So many thanks to you! Regarding the book of Christophe MANGELLE, it exists only in French, and only in hard copy. So, if you want to get hold of it, you know, we put, below this video, a link, that will allow you to purchase it online. This is also the case,

for the Mook La Fringale Culturelle, which is only available at the moment, in paper format, the link to subscribe, can also be found below! Obviously, if things were to change, we will not leave you out and we'll let you know, all of you members of our VIP club, the HappyGayTV Club! So don't hesitate to subscribe, it's still free for the moment,

please note HappyGayTV Club and have a look, right now, at our website. Jingle : HappyGayTV André, hello! - Hello Marco! Andre, it's just as much to the shrink, than to the doctor, that I'm speaking to today. What are your thoughts about this testimony? What Christopher went through, is extremely tough...! It's impressive, but it's just as wonderful, since it allowed him to, to find his way,

eand to thrive in what he's doing today! It's a double event, that's what he's been through. Negative and painful, but still a very positive one. I should point out that I'm a doctor and psychotherapist, I'm speaking for myself, in front of the camera. I'm not speaking in the name of science, in the name of the faculty, or in the name of of any organization, whatsoever. I have my own experience, I have my own vision, and that's what I'm trying to share.

Andre, tell me, as a gay man, it must be difficult to have a normal sex life , when you know how much, sex is important in the gay community? It seems to me, that it's necessary again, to make another coming out, in this regard, q it's important to inform you partner, or partners, of certain things, don't you think? After this surgery... or both surgeries, that Christopher went through,

testosterone is being substituted since it's not longer released through the testicles, and it's through testosterone injections. Christophe spoke of ANDROTARDYL, is the trademark name of the testosterone injection. With one injection a month, intra muscular, of ANDROTARDYL, you get to live normally, with a normal physiology compared to any man, still producing testosterone. And as a result, there's no physical,

nor physiological impact of the removal of the testicle on your sex life, or on your love life. Except that he can't... certainly not ejaculate anymore, right? Not really, he can ejaculate! But his sperm, no longer contains spermatozoa. He can't beget children! That's why, by the way, Christophe says so, that you can put sperm on the side, freeze it, to have children afterwards, through MAP.

It's perfectly possible. But then again, sex life is absolutely normal, including erection and ejaculation! Andre, as for breast cancer... for women, when she feels affected in her femininity or a man in his manhood, that must certainly generate, psychological disorders in some people, right ? There's got to be a psychological impact, from any surgery,

and especially, a surgery, that involves sexuality. The parallel with breast cancer, and breast removal in women is quite interesting, because it shows very well, the difference! A woman, who had a breast removed, can hardly hide it! Even if she had a prosthesis, that was well done, then despite everything, You can definitely tell! The difference is, for a man,

who had his testicles removed, just like Christopher, and has two prosthetic testicles, well, his sexual partners, can't see anything! But is it true all the way and with all cases ? What can happen is that, when you stimulate the prostate, and the urethra, it causes.., a so-called retrograde ejaculation. Meaning, the ejaculation instead of going outside,

goes inwards, towards the bladder. And so.., there is no more ejaculation on the outside, and obviously, you can see that, and so does the sexual partners. This doesn't mean that there can't be an orgasm! For men, who had this surgery and the, fact that they can no longer ejaculate on the outside, they are compelled, indeed, to reveal their situation, to their partner, that otherwise would not understand what's happening !

Apart from this very special case, a man who has undergone the ablation of both testicles, has no obligation at all, to tell his sexual partners, of what happened unless, he has a transmissible disease! But the case here, it's not transmissible! André, in the case of of Christophe MANGELLE, can we say that there has been at first, when the first symptoms appeared,

a misdiagnosis, because if the cancer had been detected earlier, this might have saved Christophe from all of that suffering, right? As a doctor, though I'm not a specialist in urology and testicular cancer, but I know what it is, like any doctor. The fact that a testicle, swells up a lot, and starts hurting, it doesn't mean cancer right away !

Quite the opposite, it suggests a disease rather benign, possibly, inflammatory, or infectious, and that could be treated with antibiotics, in fact, he was given antibiotics. He had, uh.., an unsuspecting mode of revelation of his cancer, very unusual, very atypical! Can we just say that in this case, there has been a misdiagnosis...?

I don't think so! We couldn't suspect, at first, that's what it was! Do you have any recommendations to give us? To what, every man shall pay attention? What are the symptoms, that should draw our attention ? By feeling the testicle, we realize, there's a small lump. So, often, the partners are the ones who realize, that there is something unusual.

And obviously, every man can do it by himself ! It's very easy to feel your... testicles, just like a woman can palpate her breasts, to find out, whether or not there is a small bump. In general, that's how, testicular cancer is revealed. It means that it doesn't have to be, associated with pain ?

Normally, there's no pain. It is even exceptional! André, in this document, Christophe MANGELLE, explains to us, that it's the fact of him letting go of everything, that got the better of his illness, helped him heal his wounds, but also urged him to think about his situation. Is there a link, between psychology and cancer, and is it always the case? That's a big question! Scientific medicine, doesn't think so. Myself, being a psychotherapist, I have a perspective, that is very different.

I think that, all cancers respond to multiple causes, and that many, many cancers, are the results, of psychological causes! But we can't affirm it for sure ! There is no straightforward connection, of cause and effect, between a psychological situation, and cancer! We realize that, a lot of people who have cancer, before that happened, there was a relational,

environmental and psychological context that may have been responsible for their condition. So that means we should all avoid cancer, and we should all come to see you, then ! Laughters We can't even guarantee it! Laughters I think it's a good thing, for people to go see a therapist, especially if they don't feel good,

with anything, within them or around them! But that doesn't guarantee, though, that they won't get cancer! I think the best way, to still avoid cancer, is to have a life that is healthy and balanced, to eat healthy and balanced food, to be physically active, or to be in a fulfilling relationship, to do a job that we love, to be happy, you know! When you're happy, I think we have less risk, of getting cancer,

but that doesn't guarantee, that we won't have to deal with it! So André, that means you need to have a healthy life, on a psychological level? What does that means, for you, , to have a psychologically healthy life ? A healthy life, on a psychological level, it's quite difficult to define it just like that! I'm inclined to say, that, it is, to be as clear as possible with what's going on inside,

and in your relationships with the others! To not keep things from each other, to not lie to each other, to be authentic, sincere with yourself! I think that's it, which is the most important thing, but it's easier said than done! Is it the only psychological aspect ? There's another connection, which is particularly important! What are the psychological effects of cancer? And for some people, and it's obviously the case,

here. Cancer, on one hand, could cause a meltdown, and a desperation that would result maybe to death ! but on the other hand, for someone like Christopher, not only survived it, but transformed his life completely ! There's the word deviation, that appears behind him, on the screen. It's kind of of deviation! That is to say, his life took a different course. He started searching on his own,

and he started looking for what could really to do him good...! Where he could really blossom, be happy. And he stumbled upon publishing, and today he is the editor of the Mook: La Fringale Culturelle! And I think it's a very good example, of the fact that cancer, just like any other serious disease, may be an opportunity for change in life! And I think that it would be unfortunate,

to see cancer or any other serious disease, just, like, a brick, a hard blow, something of which we cannot recover from it ! Thank you André! And see you soon on HappyGayTV!

Let's take a look now at the Hot-Line, where we all want to know, what's going on, in the white cardboard box of Roseline! All right then, folks, meet my feathered friend ! But be careful, look ! TADAM! And no, it was me, It's me, Roseline, from the Hot Line! You didn't recognize me!

Marco and I figured that.., well, let's shut down the rumors, and all the haters, we have on HappyGayTV.com! And hop! They would say: yes, she's not quite feminine, not drag queen enough! Well there, you get what you pay for! Isn't that right? Laughters

Okay, Marco, we're fooling around and everything, but I have a little problem! Really? - Yes, me too, just like Christophe, I was feeling myself while taking a shower this morning, Well, believe it or not, I felt something hard between my legs! Well, it wasn't unpleasant at all, but you know how hypochondriac I can be, so, I'm gonna run out to the emergencies! Huh! I'm telling you! Oh, no, no, no, this is not normal!

All right, let's go to your comments, Right away! Let's begin with Vanessa, from La Fermeté (firmness) in the Nièvre! She tells us that, she also was a guinea pig, and that everything went perfectly fine! All right, listen up, you should stop with the stories of guinea pigs! No, but it's true, you're giving me a lot of ideas about this ! Well yeah, I'm imagining myself, all these doctors in white coats,

these nurses, these interns, these students feeling me up, checking me out, laying me down... on the stretcher! It's true that it would definitely help you with the disease! Laughters Ah, Marco! So then, we have Michael, from Bourré (drunk) in the Loir et Cher, who sends us advertising for his company! So why not! Mikaoutchouc plumbing ! Oh, no, you didn't, no! So Michael, let me explain,

when Christophe explains to us that he had piping problems, that they were screwed up, he was talking about his esophagus! So! Not about pipes... Pay attention to what I'm doing here, me! Not the plumbing piping! So Mika! It's free publicity, but, at least, please pay close attention next time ! And we have André, from Avenir (the future), Central Quebec, who is a trucker! Well, he is asking me,

if he has to follow the deviation? The deviation? Ah! The panel behind Christophe! Oh no, André, not at all! It is for decorative purposes only ! You can see that it indicates that the chimney, is a dead end! Laughters Anyway, just between us, Andre, let me put this into words, a wood fire, on a animal skin rug, by the fireplace,

I've never been with a trucker before! So, if you like my outfit, you slide in a little message! Huh? Laughters Ah! Marco! Let's get back to focus, please! Then we have Xena, from Phoenix! So, Well, Marco, do you know where Phoenix is ? Arizona, right? In Arizona exactly! And you know that the Phoenix, rises from its ashes! Well, fine,

that's what I've been trying to do today, with this new look! What do you think about it? Magnificent Roseline! You're always so... surprising and unpredictable. Marco! Stop it! So Xena, what is she asking us? She is asking us, if Christophe's burn-out, would have something to do with his testicular problems? No, no, no, no, no, no, Xena! We say burn-out, not burnes-out! (testies-out)

Laughters No, no, it's in no way related to Christophe's testicular problems ! Not at all! Burn-out, is when you can't take it anymore. whether it's your job or anything ! Quite simply! By the way, I'm not far from it! Laughters Don't worry, I'm just fooling around, Marco! Roseline, tell me, you no longer wear glasses? - No look, look carefully, I just can't do that!

Where do you want me to put them ? Where? Look, just like this, like this, or something like this! No, I'm not going to... But, you know, we can always adapt things, we just need to write bigger, that's all! Huh! We're zooming in on the computer! And you Marco, you still have your hearing aids? Yes! So you can hear me quite well then? That's good! All right, Marco!

since you're making fun of me, but I had a question that is rather an existential one to ask you. Because, I still made a lot of efforts, and all of this...! Why is it that no one wants to flirt with me? Well, I know that Christophe flirted with death. Great, but I was dreaming of something better, still flirting, but better ! But anyway, no one wants me! It's quite awful! A beautiful flower like me ! Well, anyway, folks,

feel free to drop a little text message, I'm waiting for you! Ha ha on HappyGayTV. com! A lot of hugs and kisses for you Laughters Thank you, Roseline, see you next time, and take care of your feathers, if you know what I mean! Jingle : HappyGayTV There, as you can see, we've created for you, a kind of Web answering machine, a TV forum, that will allow you to leave us your comments, your ideas,

your reactions, or even your questions, whether in audio file format, or video, and it's the HappyGayTV hotline! So here it is now, your best comments, recently left on our servers! Hello, this is LSA! I had the chance to watch this show in premiere and I find it very courageous from Christophe to give such a strong and unvarnished testimony.

Also, many thanks to André Helman, who teaches us a lot of things about this matter! It's always important to be well informed, because what happened to Christophe, can happen to any of us. And as the saying goes: "forwarned is forearmed"! And it's true, that we never talk about testicular cancer in the media. So many thanks also to Marco and to HappyGayTV ! It's like breast cancer for men, which is never spoken about either, while I know in my circle

2 people, 2 men who died from it! And mainly, because they didn't imagine that it was possible for them, to have breast cancer! And therefore, they were not worried. When the first symptoms appeared, and they understood that there was a real problem, it was already too late! So gentlemen, if you have a lump, or something on your pecs, go see a doctor! Have a nice day!

Hi Roselyne, this is Juju I wanted to tell you that I love your new look! Great job with the new hairstyle though, And your makeup, extraordinary! Is it you putting on makeup or is it someone from HappyGayTV, a makeup artist ? Well, either way, well done, keep it up! Ah, yes, and by the way, I wanted to tell you, who is your costume designer and where does he get it from? because your new dress, It's just gorgeous!

Well, listen, keep it up. And see you soon, kisses! Hello, this is M Chris! So I found Roselyne somewhat trivial by making an allusion to what was going on in her panties! But if you think about it a little longer, I think it was a cover, a perfect opportunity for her to come out to us, and find out a little bit more, about who she really is in real life! A man, a trans, a transformist artist?

We'd like to know! Anyway, from my point of view , she gave us a dimensional clue that she was not born a girl, I'm sure of it, despite what some people say! That's it my little ones, it's up to you now! Tell us about your reactions, tell us for example, if the testimony of Christophe MANGELLE, gave you a chance to look at life in a different light? Did you ever have, like him, to face the disease,

and what advice, could you give us, to carry on this battle? And you, the companions, would you have, as well, a few recommendations to share with us? Tell us about it, explain it to us, we're waiting for you at the moment on the HappyGayTV hotline! And for those of you who don't want to miss out. any of these comments, join our VIP club, the HappyGayTV Club! It's the best way to keep yourself informed of everything that's happening on HappyGayTV, and on top of that,

to benefit from many advantages! And to all those, who are already subscribed, for the record, you can find, on your account, other revelations from Christophe MANGELLE! There you are my little ones, that's all, for now! I send you warm kisses, and see you soon, take good care of yourself! Ciao ciao!

The phone's ringing Hello, Marco? Yes I have a problem! I'm at my third palpation, and it's still hard in between the legs! Yes, so I'm a little worried, since, Andre told me that he was going to come and help me to deflate the whole thing! But anyway! What do I need to do? Well, yes, I'm all alone, of course! Well, listen..;

I'm gonna take matters into my own hands! How to Be Gay and Happy